Mess and All: Accepting our Belovedness

Last Updated: November 7, 2022
Two people sitting on a rock on a cliff looking at the ocean

You have heard me say it a great deal: life is messy and we humans are a hot, fabulous mess. Accepting this is exactly how we come to believe that the Holy Grail we seek is within.

We come home to ourselves when we discover that true connection starts within. We simply (and courageously) must give ourselves permission to do the work to find it.

The more I answer the call to do the work, the more I discover this truth: all healthy connection starts with self-connection and in order to recover our true selves, we need healthy relationships. It is a lovely and powerful paradox. These healthy relationships hold space for us, provide us with a listening heart, and remind us of our lovability even as we learn to own (and make peace with) our flaws. These are the earth-angels who see us when we perhaps don’t.

Recently, after returning from my 30-day healing odyssey, I started working with a new therapist. Truth be told, I had my reservations about him. I remember telling a friend that I was not sure this was the guy for me. My friend, who knew the therapist and me, encouraged me to consider that the therapist’s style was exactly what I needed to hold myself accountable, truly recover, and heal what needed healing.

Ok… so, he was right.

And thank goodness for friends who don’t buy our excuses because they do their own work, too. In my case, what this means is that I am continuing to do my work with someone who does not coddle me but who guides me back to what I have forgotten while encouraging changes that stand me on holy, healthy ground (think Yoda).

Hard work, this hero’s journey. Here are 6 things I am remembering:

  1. Self-discovery shines a light on how we see the world.
  2. We can not shame or criticize ourselves into healing.
  3. My child is my teacher, and I am the student.
  4. When I am seen, heard and understood, I am able to connect more with myself.
  5. Humility is alchemical; it infuses transformation and allows me to accept help.
  6. Doing the work makes it impossible to go back to where I started.

Simply stated, to do this work we need grace and grit. Grit to face the dragons we need to face. Grit to try again, be resilient, have hope, and learn that we are pretty badass when we face the tough stuff. Grace is what covers us when we struggle and feel like we are pushing water uphill.

Whether you are wanting to be more connected to your team at work or tribe at home, I cannot encourage you enough to do your work and find guides who remind you of who you are and how you have lost your way.

We are all in human school, together. This is not a DIY journey.

Quote graphic when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Viktor E Frankl

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